Why do men and women sometimes hear each other? The confusion of modern men is partly explained by the inconsistency of female behavior, says sexologist Irina Panyukova. And she knows how to change it.
Psychologies: Men who come to your appointment are probably talking about their difficulties with women.
Irina Panyukova: I will immediately give an example. I had a European at the reception. His wife, Russian, admitted to him that she has a lover. My husband replied: “It hurts me, but I love you and I want to be with you. I think you must resolve this situation yourself “. She was indignant: “You had to give me a slap in the face, and then go and kill him”. And when he objected that he had a different concern, you need to gather children in first grade, said: “You are not a man!”He believes that he behaves as an adult and responsible man. But his views do not coincide with the performance of his wife.
The problem is in different male models?
AND. P.: Yes, there are different forms of manifestation of masculinity. In the traditional model, it is clear what men do, that women, what are the rituals of interaction, written and unwritten rules. The modern model of masculinity does not require demonstration of physical strength, allows the manifestation of emotions. But as a behavior natural for one model, it will be perceived by the carrier of another? For example, the lack of stiffness can take on weakness. Men suffer because women are disappointed in them. At the same time, I see that men are more focused on reality, and among women a myth is common, as if a man must guess about their desires.
It seems that women often do not ask for help, and then reproach men. Why is that?
AND. P.: If I ask for help and help me, a moral aspect appears – the need for gratitude. If there was no request, then it seems not necessary to thank. Some women believe that requests humiliate them. And some just do not know how to thank. And in pairs, I often observe that women start repairs, construction, mortgage, without asking a man if he wants to participate in this, and then they are offended: he does not help! But openly asking for help would mean to recognize their failure for them.
Floor relations have become more competitive than before?
AND. P.: Relations in business and the professional sphere were more competitive due to fear of losing work. And the partners who are together because they like each other do not compete, but collaborate. But this is possible if their goal is to be together, and not the other, to leave parents, for example. Although society, of course, affects a couple. I hope that in the global sense we are now moving from competition to cooperation. In general, conflicts with the opposite sex are a manifestation of developmental delay. At the age of 7 to 12
years, antagonism is manifested between the sexes: boys beat the girls with a briefcase on the head. This is how inter -shifting occurs. And adult conflicts are a sign of regression. This is an attempt to solve the situation with a predex method.
That women could change in their behavior to improve relations with men?
AND. P.: Cultivate your femininity: to care for yourself, understand your needs, not overwork, rest in time. To see in his care about a man not submission and slavery, but confirmation that they chose a companion worthy of concern. And not “work on relationships”, do not make a couple of another place of work, and live together as an emotional resource. The orchestra sounds good when every musician knows his party and the violinist does not tear thrombone from the hands of a thrombonist to show how to play correctly.